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How to look for a couple and an eternal love
love, couple, ideal couple, looking for couple
THE CRISIS OF THE COUPLES
When we speak about the love and the couple, perhaps the first thing that we should wonder is: is it worthwhile to have a couple?, since two of every three couples separate themselves, and the third one, perhaps the best thing that could do would be to separate. So the conclusion is that only one from every ten couples are really happy living as a couple. Many of those that have been asked this question, have believed to find the solution in what today is known as the open couple, that is to say a couple in which each one is free of doing what he wants, and this can include or not his couple, or other people of the opposite sex, and can include or not to have sex with the other, as a way of keeping alive the desire to remain in couple.
Others appeal to couple’s exchange,, others to the bigamy and the great majority of those that don’t live happy with their couple, just choose infidelity. It is interesting to highlight that all those mentioned are ways to maintain couple’s relationship, although some resources seem really extreme.
There´s also a group of people that says that the fact that there is a paper saying that we are married, causes the thinking of: “now I can do whatever I want, because I have already hooked someone.”
This kind of attitude of course is extremely noxious for the couple’s successful continuity, so those that think this way, believe that the blame of the couple´s failure is on the commitment and that the solution would be to establish a marriage contract for a short period, lets say for 5 or 10 years. After that, the contract should only be renewed if the couple is happy enough to do it.
In fact I believe that what today causes such a quantity of disagreements it isn´t that the idea of a marriage has expired, but rather exists a crisis in couple’s relationships, married or not.
When I have treated the topic with women’s groups, the common thing is to listen them to say: ” their problem is that there´s a lack of men”, but the curious thing is that if one speaks of the same thing with a group of men, they say that there are not enough women.
When we analyze the quantity of people that live in any great city, that immediately gives us the sensation that should be enough men and women anyone that desires to have a stable couple, although in fact what we see is a very big number of masculine and feminine human beings that don’t have couple, but that at the same time they are neither men neither women, but single children with big container”, that is to say children inside, and apparent adults on the outside.
And couple’s relationships were thought for the adults.
When we begin to speak of the children with big container, this takes us to think in how many relationship forms can be given between two people. On one hand there´s the possibility of being related from the Parent, the Adult or the Child aspects of each one.
There are no doubts that the ideal relationship will be the one made between two adults, because the relationships where the husband is at the same time the woman’s father, or the woman is at the same time her husband’s mother, only can subsist while both continue sick, because when one of them begins to develop his Adult, the relationship will get spoiled if the other one doesn´t develop his own adult.
The same thing can be applied if the relationship is established between two people affirmed in their Children aspect. As soon as one of them develops his Adult, the relationship will sink. But relationships Children – Children are not very frequent, since the Children usually prefer somebody affirmed in his Parent aspect that can protect them and take all the important decisions for them.
There also are relationships centered in the MAN, the WOMAN, the male and the female.
Undoubtedly a female on the outside seems also to be a WOMAN, but she is it only partially or perhaps we should say that she is only a WOMAN’S project, and as such she can not have access, neither retain a true MAN.
As the “macho” concept is something that has been sufficiently diffused, I don’t believe necessary to extend in explanations about the men that base their idea of the manliness on the physical force, the aggressiveness and the scorn for the woman, forgetting that the true attributes of the manliness are not in the muscles or in the capacity to maintain an erect penis, but rather the true manliness is a strength that arises from an interior Ego that directs and controls his behavior.
But perhaps it is necessary to establish the..
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WOMAN AND A FEMALE
In accordance with the psychology, the women trend to magnify the fact that they can be pregnant because since they were small they lived their sex like something different than the men: the men´s genitals are visible and palpable, while those of the women are presented like a cavity that gives the sensation of absence, and that is said to produce a castration complex that makes them envy the men.
At this time I can imagine the indignation of many of my readers who will be saying “I don’t envy anything to the men”, but keep in mind that all this is given in very deep levels of the mind, but although deep they cause feelings of rivalry, and even bad feelings against the mother that made them incomplete.
At the same time there´s the Edipic attraction toward the father to whom there´s the fantasy of obtaining a penis or a son. Having a son is then very important, since it transitorily eliminates the castration sensation.
And here it is where it appears the need to hunt a man and to form a couple, and then the woman goes from being “the daughter of” to be “the wife of” and then “the mother of”, that is to say three different states in which she lacks her own identity.
It is well known that today there are many women that develop a professional activity, achieving many times great success, although it is also easy to observe that these executive women to achieve their success need to compete in a land of men, need to develop men aggressiveness characteristic, and therefore they reach the success to the cost of loosing their own femaleness, getting control and domain desire, mannish attitudes, increase of the body hair and men like voices as a consequence of hormonal changes.
At the same time we will see these women how they put on makeup and dress like women, exalting their erotic attractiveness, for what we can say that lacking of a true feminine identity, they are not WOMEN but single females that try to become coveted erotic objects.
As well as becoming an Adult is the fruit of a deep and sustained effort that most of people prefer to avoid, ending up being a true WOMAN and to find love and a couple, it is not an age problem or a product of the personal appearance, but the result of a deep development of the internal values, thing that most women do not look for, and are restricted to play the role of lonely females or baby mothers.
The female condition is a free gift of nature, that is to say that it is given for the single fact of being born with a certain sex. It is not necessary to carry out any effort or to be conscious of anything.
The more accentuated the female attributes become, the bigger the erotic attractiveness that takes place and therefore it´s easier to catch a man, but then they can not retain it, because the connection is only made through the ephemeral sexual plane.
In conclusion we can say that to be able to form a stable couple, it is necessary to produce a transformation of the male in MEN and the female in WOMEN by means of a conscious effort for the development of an authentic femaleness
WHAT IS THE FEMALENESS?
It is very important to highlight that in nature all that exists is presented in opposed and complementary couples: the good thing and the bad thing, the day and the night, the cold and the heat, etc. for what the femininity should be opposed and complementary of the manliness.
The manliness is an aggressiveness smartly directed toward the conquest of the challenges outlined by life, so which could be its opposite and complementary?
As well as the man develops his manliness in the fight against the external world, the women should be overturned to the conquest of the internal world, to the development of a psychic uterus from where she becomes in first instance a mother of herself, to then act as mother of the world.
The first step will be taken by the repeated experiences of which she can be made entirely responsible, experiences in which she discards the automatism of behaviors fixed from outside (as the fashion).
When a woman develops the power to do without taking care of the opinion of others, she becomes independent of her subjection to men, and that enables her not to compete neither to depend on men, but to look for her loving complement.
To be able to get and retain a couple like an Adult, the male should learn how to be a MAN and the female needs to learn how to be a WOMAN. The male becomes MAN when he learns how to deploy his physical energy and creative and protecting capacity, by means of sustained painful efforts, and when he learns how to do what he should do although he doesn’t want, and not do what he wants to do.
The development of the mature female into a WOMAN able to form and conserve its couple, requires of a series of steps:
To learn that to be a female it is not synonymous of being a WOMAN
To understand that the development of the femaleness is not given by the simple course of time, but rather it requires a deep inner work
To valorize the fact of being woman, since it possesses a psychic uterus that is as valuable as a penis
To avoid the neurotic competition with the males, to stop imitating them and resign the affiliation to the women union (that meets to make a common front against men) to give space to the development of her individuality
To discard the frivolity and superficiality. Some women like to play the fools so that the men do things for them, and this only puts them in an inferiority situation in front of the men, that a true MAN will reject.
To clean their femininity aura discarding all the negative feelings toward the men. It is necessary to discard the hate, the envy, the aggressiveness and all destructive expressions.
To stop to live toward out. Most of the women usually live waiting that what they desire arrives to them from the external world:
* they hope to find a man
* they hope to receive the saints’ help
* they hope that the society protects them
* they hope to have children that make them happy
* they hope that the horoscope favors them
And as a consequence of it, when they get the desired couple, they transfer him the responsibility of their own happiness, accusing him when they don’t arrive at the prospective level of satisfaction (that which rarely happens).
Women can work on their own destiny as men do, and genuine happiness is a fruit of the internal world, and not a derived from favorable external circumstances.
To solve the Edipo complex: The women should take advantage of their conceiving capacity to gestate themselves from their psychic uterus, and this way after the convenient time, they will be able to give light to a new being that will remain inside them for the rest of their lives.
The psychic uterus of which I speak is a metaphor and should be imagined like a secret room, as the Laboratory that is used in the mind control exercises, a place inside which the woman can carry out regularly introspection moments, in order to develop the knowledge of herself, thinking about the daily experiences.
The development of the Self that these exercises will bring, will drive the women to the development of an independent and bigger self-esteem, and a bigger autonomy.
When learning how to solve their own problems, to be happy by their own merit and to reach the objectives that they set up for them the females becomes a WOMEN and they becomes able to get an ideal couple. Since a WOMAN centered in her Adult, will only be interested in a true MAN that in turn it is centered in his Adult, and it will escape from the “machos” and the immature ones.
It is frequent to find women that at the same time that want to find a couple, experience fear of giving themselves to a man, because they experience it like a loss and not like the free exercise of their freedom. This is happens because after living projected toward the external things, to give themselves to a man produces a sensation of interior emptiness.
The development of the interior Self looks then to start the valuation from inside, that will allow them to give themselves without being so vulnerable to the other people’s opinion.
The intent of the women to achieve their location inside a men society has taken them many times to combat the Yang men´s energy with Yang energy, when in fact what they should do is to deploy their Ying energy, that is to say to not be aggressive as the men, neither inertly passive, but actively passive.
When the women putt in movement the Ying energy contained inside themselves, they can discover that by means of the sweetness, the softness and an encircling and persuasive receptivity, they can deploy the same strength than men, without losing the feminine attributes that will allow them to get in love with an ideal couple, and to be happy with him.
If you want to work the energy of love to find your ideal couple you can use my CD: “Pareja Ya!”
Written by Dr. Roberto A. Bonomi
You will find all that you need to know about, self help, stress control, weight control, stop smoking, mind control, relax, motivation and meditation with subliminal messages at Dr. Bonomi’s web site: http://www.drbonomi.com and you can post free your own articles, or find free articles for your web site or ezine at http://articles.drbonomi.com