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You have the right to conceal your identity, but apart from this, don’t start a relationship build over lies. You know that one lie leads to another, and sooner or later you’ll be discovered, and the whole relationship will crash.
You must start looking for good friends, and a good friend will love you as you are. (If you have gory details about yourself don’t talk about them). Not to tell is not the same as to tell a lie.
What will you gain if you paint a very rosy picture about yourself, spiced with a lot of lies and the other person does flip for you? In reality that person will be looking for a person that’s not you, and will soon find that you lied.
QUALITY OR QUANTITY?
What are you looking for?
You don’t need to attract as many partners as possible, this is not a contest. You only need to attract the kind of people that you really could be interested in, and that can find you interesting as well.
Describe yourself as you really are. If you are a god or a goddess, let the other one find it for him self or her self.
Try to conquer those that are interested in the same stuff as you are.
THE GOOD WHEN BRIEF IS TWO TIMES GOOD
Make your profile as brief as possible. Nobody likes to read lines and lines of an unknown person’s profile.
Be brief and straight to the point, but not too brief, because it will sound as if you weren’t very interested in this. Just be natural, write your profile as you would describe yourself if you where sitting in front of the other person, do it in a conversation style, this has the widest appeal.
YOU ARE UNIQUE
There isn’t another person like you in the whole world, it has never existed and it will never exist. You are unique!
And if you are so different from all the rest, why should you sound alike them?
Do not just consider your look or your likes and dislikes, consider those things that make you liked by others.
Do you know what makes you liked by others?
If you do, include it in your profile, if you don’t ask your best friends why they like you.
AND NOW WHAT?
Ok, you are now as ready as you can be, you have very clear what you like and what you dislike, you have written and posted your profile, and are now waiting for the perfect one to appear.
What happens next?
Suppose that someone starts chatting with you, what should you do?
You should trust your instincts and proceed with caution, you are now in the middle of a jungle and you don’t know what kind of animal may appear. So be extremely cautious about giving any personal information. Conceal your identity.
HANDLES AND NICKNAMES
Let the other person know that you prefer to be know by a handle or a nickname. But be clear, let the other person know that it’s not your real name, because if the relationship really blossoms it isn’t nice to find that you lied.
You can always choose a celebrities’ name, you could call yourself Cleopatra, Pocahontas, Batman or Rambo or anything that you like.
And start chatting about generals. Stay away from the specific.
HELP YOUR MEMORY
You will never be able to remember everything that you read so don’t trust your memory too much.
When it comes to chatting over the net, you will meet tens of people over the net, and eventually it may become difficult to remember all of them and what they told you.
You may confuse the persons and ask for the wrong details, and it won’t look good. So if you think that the person might interest you, it won’t hurt you to jot down the details about that person on your computer.
It won’t sound very good if you have to ask things like “are you John or Peter” or I can’t remember what we talked about last time.
Yes you can always try to guess but it’s better if you help your memory, specially with the interesting ones.
TALKING ABOUT WHAT?
When you start a relationship avoid talking about religion, politics and family matters in the initial stages. It’s better to talk about music tastes, food, sports, movies, etc.
And of course dirty jokes are an absolute no-no on the first talks.
What about giving the email address?
You should avoid that on the first talks. Don’t do it until you talk a couple of times with that person and you feel comfortable enough to do it.
Giving your email address is the first step towards intimacy, and you must be careful about it. Trust your instincts and of course get off the public chat room to do it.
STEPS TO INTIMACY
As you know that the person with whom you are chatting is reaching you in the same way as you are reaching out to that person, many feel the temptation for an intimacy even before you know enough about that person.
Remember that there are many evil people out there, and that you should be on your guard all the time, remembering your self that you are talking with an absolute stranger. So avoid instant intimacy.
It doesn’t matter if they tell you that you are cold or too reserved. You can just answer that for you it takes time to feel comfortable with someone that you meet in a chat room. That’s also a good way of saying that you are for a serious relationship.
And how can you know if the other person is lying to you?
IS HE OR SHE LYING?
SPECIFIC CHAT ROOMS
On the first pages I advised you not to go to the single’s chat rooms that are specifically dedicated to online dating. Rather choose chat rooms of specific interest, and if you do, a good way of know if the persons is lying is to ask very pointed questions about the topic of the chat room.
If the person fumbles or give vague answers, you know that you can’t trust that person.
JOT DOWN DETAILS
If you accept my idea of jotting down details, do it from the very first moment that you talk with that person, and in the following days go again over those topics and question the person about the details, if the person contradicts what he/she said before, then it’s a lyer
You can help your task asking general questions with a definite purpose, for example ask how will it be the house of his/her dreams. Note down the answer and after a couple of encounters repeat the same question and see if the two answers match.
You can try pretending that you have chatted with that person before and ask if he/she is such and such person (make it up). A good fishhook is to say things like “I remember how I enjoyed chatting with you the other day”. If the person bites the fishhook then it will be telling you that this is a sport for him or her.
If you keep on chatting and you feel that you can really trust that person, you may start giving your email and after a while your phone number. But remember that it’s better to be sure that to be sorry.
If you are going to give your telephone number ask for the other person’s telephone number at the same moment, so you won’t be at disadvantage.
If the other person can’t understand that you are cautious, just dump the person.
MEETING FACE TO FACE
Once you have given your telephone number and have started to talk by phone, the next step is obviously a direct meeting. And if you feel comfortable enough with that person it could be the moment to do it, but don’t sound too anxious to do it.
That decision must come as something natural over a number of telephone calls.
Before meeting your might be partner you have to work on your appearance, dress appropriately, choose something that makes you look good, but keep it simple. If you choose to go to lunch you don’t need to go dressed to kill, because at that hour of the day most are dressed in their work clothes.
Be careful with your nails, hair and teeth. And also check not to have bad breath.
It is very important to appear well groomed, but do not overdo. What you wear mustn’t attract the wrong kind of attention.
You must look good and feel comfortable at the same time. And your partner must also feel comfortable, you shouldn’t ashamed him or her by the way you dress, and you must also be careful about how you smell.
Try to smell well, use deodorant and perfume, but not too much perfume, keep it light and dainty.
Written by Dr. Roberto A. Bonomi
You will find all that you need to know about, self help, stress control, weight control, stop smoking, mind control, relax, motivation and meditation with subliminal messages at Dr. Bonomi’s web site: http://www.drbonomi.com
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